


(Not) Just a Fantasy

by xxxbookaholic



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Boredom, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Loneliness, M/M, Some Fluff, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27585926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxbookaholic/pseuds/xxxbookaholic
Summary: “You know, just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you need to jump to extremes.” Banri huffed under his breath but said nothing in response, so Juza continued. “Really, this stuff is psychotic. Watching a family pet get brutally squished under a rock? You don’t even have a pet. Getting electrocuted while trying to set up the TV for Homare? The dorm isn’t that unsafe.”“As I said, I’m not actually going to do these things, so you can drop it.”“Like hell I’m just going to drop it!” Juza retorted.or:Banri is left alone with his thoughts for Christmas Break so he takes to writing all of them down on notecards. Juza wishes he hadn't left at all.
Relationships: Hyoudou Juuza/Settsu Banri
Comments: 1
Kudos: 71





	(Not) Just a Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> intrusive thoughts, mentions of self harm and suicide attempts, having a stalker mentioned in passing, the death of a pet mentioned in passing.

The world was boring. Banri saw it all in black and white colors; everything was blank. His life was on easy mode. He got whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and never had to face any competition to get ahead. Going about his day was just a motion. It wasn’t something he enjoyed, so he wished for something he could enjoy. Something that would get his blood rushing.

Sometimes, he hoped to get into a car crash. Other times, he wondered how many pills he could take until he was on the verge of death but not quite there. A few times, he fantasized about going through the trauma of having a loved one die.

He’d look around at his world and wonder, “it can’t get any blander than this.” It was peaceful, and for him, peaceful was just mundane.

Another flashcard pinned to the bulletin board in his dorm room. **Having a stalker.** The idea wasn’t his most creative, but it was something, and to him, anything was better than what he already went through.

His board of written-out intrusive thoughts hadn’t grown too much since joining Mankai. Being apart of Autumn Troupe, especially as their leader, often helped with blocking out the less constructive fantasies, but his brain couldn’t block them out forever.

Every now and then, when he was left alone for long periods of time like he was then, they came back at full force. Juza had only been gone for one week out of two and Banri had to admit, he missed their banter. It filled the silence, forcing his brain to quiet down. Now, stuck in the room of white walls and very few things to do, all he could do was think.

So, onto the board his notecards went.

His list had grown quite a lot throughout that one week and he couldn’t even imagine how it would look by the end of Christmas Break. (Although, it wasn’t a break for everyone in Mankai. The Winter Troupe was still working as hard as ever and Spring Troupe was already planning their next play.)

Briefly, he wondered how many papercuts it would take to bleed out just enough to get a scare but not enough to end his life. Maybe he could go out and steal a snack from the convenience store rather than buy it, or break into a home just to trespass.

He’d stopped committing crimes at Izumi, Sakyo, and Omi’s request, but if the only other thing he could do was sit around and drown in silence, adding back one more thing to his day-to-day life wouldn’t be that detrimental.

He almost wished there were classes the next day just so he could skip them. Banri flopped down on his bed, shutting his eyes and trying to will himself, and the thoughts, to sleep.

His window was open. If he snuck out, maybe he could find something to do. _Yeah, sneak out a window on the top floor? Real clever, Settsu,_ a part of his brain that sounded suspiciously like Juza commented.

He laughed out loud as if that part of his brain was sitting there with him and muttered, “well, I’m out of ideas.”

Maybe some time to reflect would be good for him.

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

When Juza came back home from Christmas Break, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t what he saw.

The moment he opened the door, he was face-to-face with what had to be hundreds of notecards, covered in neat and tidy handwriting that contrasted from the contents of each card in a horrifyingly funny way.

They read thousands of different things, ranging from irritating to downright concerning. A whole wall was covered in the notes and, upon further inspection, there were notes on the door, as well.

And, right at his desk, was Banri, writing on yet another card. Light leaked in from the window, causing sunspots to dance around his skin and hair. When he noticed Juza, he just scoffed and then continued scribbling.

“What the fuck happened in here?” Juza asked, taking a few more steps in and then quietly, carefully closing the door behind him. It was like the farther in he walked, the darker the atmosphere became. It was unsettling. Even with their constant bickering and bitching, their room never felt quite so ominous.

“What, you trying to pick a fight the moment you walk in the god damn door?”

“Can you be serious for once?”

Banri stood up straight and crossed his arms. When he turned around fully, Juza immediately noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the paleness of his skin. His hair flopped in front of his eyes in the process. Somehow it managed to make him look even worse. “I am being serious. What’s your deal?”

“My deal is that I leave for two weeks and suddenly you’re planning a heist, suicide and murder.” He pointed at each notecard as he spoke.

“I’m not actually going to do any of these things,” Banri rolled his eyes, twisting around to start tearing all of them down. He said this like it made his countless notecards okay.

“Where did you even think of all these?” Juza asked, dropping his bag onto the ground and collapsing onto his bed. He was already starting to regret going home in the first place.

“They’re all just passing thoughts I had,” his dormmate and boyfriend (at least, in name) said, not looking away from his task, “things got boring so I improvised.”

He sighed, tapping his foot on the ground. Him and Banri had been dating for a few months at that point; neither of them had been confused or hesitant on the idea. Really, Juza wasn’t sure if Banri cared about him or the excitement of being in a relationship more. It didn’t really matter. No matter how Banri felt, Juza cared about him as both a teammate and a boyfriend, so he had to say _something_. Even if he had no idea what that something should be.

“You know, just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you need to jump to extremes.” Banri huffed under his breath but said nothing in response, so Juza continued. “Really, this stuff is psychotic. Watching a family pet get brutally squished under a rock? You don’t even have a pet. Getting electrocuted while trying to set up the TV for Homare? The dorm isn’t that unsafe.”

“As I said, I’m not actually going to do these things, so you can drop it.”

“Like hell I’m just going to drop it!” Juza retorted, slamming his hand on the bed. Banri didn’t jump or flinch, he never did, but his leg did twitch, just by a little bit.

“Look,” Juza said, in as soft a voice he could (which wasn’t really soft at all, but he hoped Banri would notice he was trying), “it doesn’t matter that you aren’t going to do it. I’m concerned. You shouldn’t have to feel this way whenever you’re left alone.”

“Well, I do.”

“I know. So I’m sorry for leaving you alone for so long.”

Banri was quiet for a while after that, and then he chuckled, “you’re sorry? Since when does _Hyodo Juza_ apologize?”

“Banri,” Juza warned, but his boyfriend didn’t listen, waving his hand to shut him up.

“No, no, seriously! What kind of delinquent motherfucker apologizes for leaving someone _alone_? That’s pathetic!” It hurt, even if Juza knew that Banri didn’t mean it.

“Hey.”

Banri went silent again and this time, he didn’t start talking again. “Come here,” Juza sighed, patting the space next to him.

Slowly, hesitantly, Banri took a seat next to Juza, his fists clenched and his head down. Juza reached a hand up to pet his boyfriend’s hair, unsure of what else to do. Kumon always liked head pats when he was upset, so maybe other people would too? Banri didn’t show any signs of enjoying it, but he didn’t say anything against it.

“You can just call next time you’re bored. We can go out and do something _safe_. Either that, or you can just come and spend time with my family. I’m sure that’d be productive.”

Juza remembered when he first heard about Banri’s family situation. He wasn’t sure how somebody who’d constantly been unmonitored and alone would do with a home-situation like Juza’s but it was never a bad idea to suggest it.

Again, Banri didn’t say anything. The only sign of movement was his hands relaxing, just by a little.

They were both quiet for a while. Juza didn’t know what else to say, he wasn’t all that great with comforting people, and Banri didn’t seem like he wanted to talk in the first place.

Eventually, Banri shoved Juza’s hand away and stood back up to continue clearing the wall. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll think about it.”

Juza neglected unpacking in favor of beginning to rip the paper off of the door, wanting the proof of Banri’s own personal hell gone from their room. It made him feel sick just looking at it.

He couldn’t be sure Banri would take advantage of the opportunity or even consider it. Juza didn’t even know if Banri wanted help; knowing him, he probably thought the intrusive thoughts were just another game to pass the time with.

Still, even if he couldn’t stop the problem or even slow it down, Juza wanted to be there for him if he ever wanted to talk.

He might not fully understand his own feelings toward Banri, but he knew this for sure: he didn’t want Banri to feel the way he did that Christmas ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently realized just how relatable Banri is. He's a character that gets so bored with his boring and peaceful life that he wishes for pain, crime, fights, just to get his blood rushing. I can really understand where he's coming from.  
> Really, you could think of this as an overexaggerated vent fic if you wanted to. It's not my best work by a long shot but I really just wanted to write for Banri so here we are. I wanted to see how far I could push his character so here we are.  
> In all honesty, (and you can probably tell), I don't ship Juza x Banri all that much. I'm not the biggest fan of enemies to lovers (although there are exceptions) and really I just don't like their dynamic. Still, I wanted to add an element of comfort in, so I put in Juban anyways.  
> I hope you enjoyed the fic! If so, make sure to leave a comment and kudos so I know. My tumblr is xxxbookaholic if you're interested. I post A3! and Danganronpa content.  
> Have a nice rest of your day/night.


End file.
